Use this before a conversation about someone else's substance use, or when your own limits need attention.
Begin with what you have noticed
Addiction is a treatable health condition. It is not a verdict on the character of the person or their family. At a safe time, describe an observation: 'We keep cancelling plans, and I am worried. How have things been for you?' Listen without shaming, and without trying to fix everything in one conversation.
If the person is not ready to talk, you can leave the invitation open. If things become heated, pause. Their reluctance does not prevent you from seeking advice about your own situation.
Offer something specific; set a workable limit
Ask whether help finding a service, attending an agreed appointment or making time to talk would be useful. Support does not require access to every message, constant checking or responsibility for another adult's recovery. You have not failed because the person continues to struggle.
A boundary describes what you can provide or accept, perhaps around money, your home or behaviour towards you. Keep it specific and within your control. It protects your wellbeing, though it cannot guarantee that the person will change. Family involvement in treatment also depends on consent and confidentiality, which the treating service can explain.
Make room for your own care
Protect something concrete this week: your own GP appointment, regular meals, sleep, time with a friend or an activity that helps you feel like yourself. Ask someone trustworthy for practical help. You do not have to be exhausted before you take a planned break.
A GP, counsellor, peer group or family-support service can help you cope. If you provide ongoing care, ask Carer Gateway about support and whether planned respite is suitable and available. Arrange any necessary care cover rather than leaving someone who relies on your care without support.
Where there is fear, coercion or violence, safety takes priority over a joint conversation. You do not have to tolerate unsafe behaviour to show that you care.
For health professionals
Using the sheet in practice
Attend to the family member's own health, coping, support and respite needs, alongside safety and consent. Avoid blame or assigning a monitoring role. The person's recovery and the family's wellbeing both matter; neither is fully controlled by the other.
Use the sheet alongside your clinical assessment. It does not produce a diagnosis, measure risk or determine treatment. If seeking a specialist opinion, state the clinical question and relevant history using the usual referral pathway.