Use this before a conversation about substance use, treatment or its effects, when it is safe for everyone to take part.
Check whether a conversation is safe and timely
Choose a time when both people can participate and can end the discussion. Avoid starting during intoxication, a heated argument or an urgent crisis. Privacy helps, but a private setting is not necessarily safe. Consider whether someone may feel trapped or face retaliation afterwards.
If there are threats, coercion, violence or fear, do not use this guide to arrange a confrontation or joint discussion. Seek individual safety advice. No communication technique can make you responsible for preventing another person's abuse.
Begin with one observation and its effect
Describe something specific rather than a verdict on the person's character. 'I was worried when you did not come home as arranged' leaves more room for discussion than 'You never care about anyone.' Ask whether this is a workable time to talk.
Choose the issue that matters most today. A long list of past events can overwhelm a discussion before the other person has responded. You can be clear about hurt, money, responsibilities or safety without humiliating someone or demanding that they defend their whole life.
Listen without abandoning your concern
Ask what the situation has been like for them, then check that you understood. You might say: 'It sounds as though evenings have been particularly difficult.' Use a reflection that fits what they actually said. Understanding an explanation does not mean agreeing that the harm was acceptable.
Addiction can impair control, so a sincere promise may be difficult to carry out. That does not make every action involuntary or remove the need for treatment, safety and repair. Discuss achievable responsibilities and the help needed to carry them out, rather than arguing about whether someone simply cares enough.
Make one request or state one workable limit
Ask for something specific: attending an agreed review, discussing a barrier with the clinician, or arranging reliable care for the children. The person may need support, and access or health problems may complicate the plan. A difficulty should be examined, not automatically labelled an excuse.
Say what you can offer and what you cannot safely continue. 'I can help arrange transport, but I cannot be the only person checking every appointment.' A boundary describes your own actions and limits. It is not a threat to force a confession or a guarantee that the other person will change.
Pause, repair and return when appropriate
If an ordinary discussion becomes too heated, pause rather than trying to win the final point. If safe, agree whether and when to return. A repair can be simple: 'I spoke harshly. I want to explain my concern without attacking you.' You need not withdraw a legitimate safety concern.
The outcome may be a small agreement, a clearer understanding or recognition that outside help is needed. Repeated conflict can warrant professional support. Where abuse or danger is involved, safety takes priority over returning to the conversation.
For health professionals
A place in the clinical conversation
This is an original conversation aid, not family therapy, a treatment-engagement intervention or a family-violence safety plan. Consider consent, power, coercion and safety before joint work. Do not infer that family communication caused addiction or that respectful language will eliminate conflict.
Use the sheet alongside your clinical assessment. It does not produce a diagnosis, measure risk or determine treatment. If seeking a specialist opinion, state the clinical question and relevant history using the usual referral pathway.